This is the review from the point of a man’s view
What do you think?
A like Asia. While flying from Poland to Asia we go against the rotation of the earth, by the way, crossing a few time zones. As a result, the Christmas finished for me quicker than in Poland and, consequently, I was in 2017 six hours earlier. It all adjusted after the homecoming which took a little longer. And it wasn’t for the earth rotation, as I thought, but blowing winds and jet stream drives, which blow always from the West to the East.
B like Buddha. It is present there more than Virgin Mary the Queen of Poland here. It is in chapels near the roads, in the main squares, even next to the shopping centres, praying places and temples. But the chapels of Buddha and the recently died king competes with each other, may Buddha have mercy on him. The king has a pretty much dwarf-name Bhumibol. They’ve been crying after him for 3 months already because he was good and saint, almost like Buddha. And Buddha is mostly gold. He is standing, sitting, lying, greeting, meditating, sleeping, blessing. The size of Buddha is comparable to a half of a football field (WAT PHO temple) and tiny, 100 times smaller and emerald (WAT PHRA KRAEW temple). That emerald one as one of not many wasn’t gold but, of course, emerald but someone didn’t like it so covered him with a gold robe. Buddha is smiley or serious, or lost in thought but never angry or pissed. This is probably because of meditations and good karma. There are plenty of Buddha monuments and sculptures. In one of the temples I was bored with counting them after 50. It cannot be used for commercial purposes such as selling or tattooing. Thais teach such things but later they break this law anyway.
C like China town. A pretty much wide district full of Chinese people; it is a sort of a ghetto willingly visited by many. I felt like in Canton.
D like Dessert. The tourists’ favourite dessert that costs around 5PLN after conversion is mango with rice poured all over with coconut milk. It’s called mango sticky rice and it’s very sweet and tasty. Very sweet. All in all, everything is sweeter here. Fruits and fruit juices both from a supermarket and street market give an impression of being additionally sweetened. Cola which had always been the top of sweetness for me – here, has changed its perception. But sugar in this temperature is absorbed better. Thus drinking two cans of cola still less sweet than juice didn’t have any effect on my stomach, which apparently needed it anyway.
E like Ecology. Nobody bothers about it. All the vehicles both on the streets as in the rivers pollute everything with diesel smoke. Not all the cars here are brand new Toyotas. Thus a part of population wears here daily, known from the “Outbreak” movie, hygienic masks. Breathing deeply I fell no difference but I live in Cracow.
F like Fk**** chicken; which is yummy for them. They add it to every meal, sauce, soup. Broccoli cream is also with chicken. I had a feeling that, as an enriching society, Thais have made eating meat as an indicator of a life standard. Chicken and pork is added to everything. Chicken more as it’s cheaper. Not eating meat is perceived as weird and having asked about 20 street sellers about any vegan food with mobile-translated sentences I was finally sent to Seven-Eleven. Chicken is everywhere, even in sauces and broth as a basis for so popular soups here. I think that it pushes out seafood. If it goes any further, soon chicken will be added to ice creams and desserts. There are also vegetarian-vegan restaurants and street food which offer such options on busy streets where there’s a plenty of tourists. A vegetarian food cart you can recognise by a crossed pig or a piggy mug.
G like Gabbana Dolce. Just like Buddha temples gathering tourists and worshippers, shopping centres attract crowds. There is a few in Bangkok. There are bigger than temples but similar when it comes to gold colour. Here’s food for thought – you can find all the possible world brands here. They lure you with dresses, bags, shoes for only 2000USD. In one of such complexes there are more bags than in all the Polish shopping centres. When entering, you firstly pass Dolce, Dior, Armani, Burberry or Jimmy Chu. But if you cannot afford it, there is Zara on the first floor to wipe off your tears. It indicates that there is indeed a richer middle class. Richer than ours. The richer Asia stuffs wallets of Cartiers and Pradas buying what the poorer class has produced form them.
H like Honda or Toyota. 80% of cars here are Japanese. Some models are unusual in Europe. What is strange is the fact that Korean cars are not often seen. European cars are rather on a margin but luxurious German cars are definitely here.
I like Internet. An epic battle between Samsung and Apple can be seen in every place you sit. So, for example, on a train. People are staring in their glowing rectangles with earphones as if absent. But they always know when to get off. I didn’t see anybody reading a book or a newspaper.
J like jokey (language) . I was really amused when in the first sentence of conversation with broken English Thais were asking whether I speak Thai. It is hard to understand each other because even English speaking Thais add their characteristic melodious accent and their English becomes completely uncomprehend. Besides, there is a method known from Polish jokes; you ask in English, they answer in Thai, slowly repeating a few times, gesticulating vividly on top of that. You have to understand!!! Very helpful are people, who don’t understand you but they really wish to sending you to a completely different place you didn’t ask. It happened that people when asked about the way were showing you totally opposite directions or were sending you far away from a place you were so close to. But they seem to be people for which a smile of a person they think they helped is the biggest reward.
K like km of transport ( in cold) . It is based on a private transport described as tuk-tuk service, scooters and public. The last one consists of buses, which I didn’t use and an over-ground BTS. One could be in Cracow or, in Katowice because they perfectly stand for tube. There is one tiny difference that is goes dozen metres above the ground, sometimes even on 2 levels, instead of underground. The daily ticket costs 15 PLN. The compartments are very similar to ours but there is one difference; the temperature in a compartment falls as if someone wanted to freeze the passengers for the time of travelling. Nobody cares that when entering the compartment the temperature falls for over 15 degrees. Nobody takes out the scarf or a hat to cover themselves from blowing Freon from above. I wonder how it looks when in summer the temperature rises to 45 degrees, not like now when it’s 30. I was too cold so I sneezed, blew my nose and it triggered some suspicions that I’m a carrier of bird flu. Nevertheless, the commuter train is a great alternative to jammed streets because even if you are in a crowd, you move anyway.
L like landed at the airport. You have to fill a form to get a visa totally for free. A second part of the form you have to show when departing. When you lose it, you’ll be in trouble. The currency was comparable to the offered in town so there is no worry that they’ll rip you off as they do in Poland
M like (Thai) Massage. This is a typical relaxing-curative massage. The masseuse uses various parts of her body, including hands, arms and feet, to kneel and loosen off all of your muscles from top to toe. But generally the person massaging focuses on limbs mainly than torso. No subtexts here. First of all, a masseuse wears a full uniform, some even wear hygienic masks. A masseuse is usually visibly older than you and the massage takes place in a spacious room where other masseuses serve several clients (WatPo Traditional and Medical Massage School). Cheap, next to the street what does not mean it costs 20PLN, but 50PLN.
N like nipples and bitches. There is a great number of them from all over Asia, Russia and even Africa. You need to get to a proper district with organised places such as a huge supermarket. Instead of shops, there are premises which sell alcohol and “love”; in this exact order. All the girls want you to get wasted and lose control over your wallet. In this country, where TV covers even a tiny bit of a tit or a cigarette (!!!), there is sex available with a very underage. What a fuckin’ hypocrisies.
O like L(o)dging . I used to live in a studio apartment rented from a Thai. Apparently, he bought it and furnished only to hire it to such tourists as I am. I lived in a new block with 2 big pools and Jacuzzi at a guarded settlement with the Thai representatives of a middle class. I could guess it by the cars parked and by the fact that the doorman was saluting to me. The sole residents I saw not many as I think they were workaholics. It wasn’t far to the railways but I was driving my ass around with a scooter for only 1PLN in one direction. Underway I passed a number of food carts. Unfortunately, almost everything was with chicken. Later, I found out that such rent is illegal. Maybe “my” Thai is already in a jail, or, he pays who he has to pay.
P like Puppy. Dogs and cats come from time to time. Especially in districts distant from downtown. Nobody apparently eats them. Bunch of cats walk around the temples. They leave all at the end of the day, when there is fewer tourists. They don’t look poor or hungry. But taking into consideration the noise at night, they are more likely to be stray cats. And just like all those creatures, they love being caressed what eagerly present while being caressed.
R like River. It’s navigable and most of the tourist attractions, those antique and entertaining, is located on the coast. Thus it’s natural to organise there transport carrying the tourist from one place to another. Ferries jump on-jump off, you stop at every dock with attractions working pretty much well but they are crowded. And, as nature abhors vacuum, there is plenty of private lines. Everyone uses the same docks as we have private buses in Poland. There are many of them. Express boats, floating restaurants, luxurious hotel ships, fishing vessel (I have no idea what is capable of living in this dirty river), surface cleaning boats, barge of river transport, private boats and so on. Some Thai yells through megaphone no one knows why because most of the passengers are tourists and they don’t understand a bit. Men mooring communicate through whistlers what only intensifies the racket. Some of the boats sail illegally what you can recognise by the way of getting the passengers off. They reach the shore, not even mooring and they prompt the passengers to leave because they have to fucking run away. Later, it looks similarly on the water as they sail diagonally and longitudinally because there are not many bridges. There is no such thing as fairway; I didn’t see even one buoy.
If there was such riven in European Union, it would be immediately closed. And here we are, it works well and no one has died.
S like Scooter. Whoever has been in a town where no winter comes, he knows how many scooters move around there. Scooter does not get jammed. Here is alike, hence some of them carry passengers. Normally, the other one sits behind the driver. Such scooter-master you can recognise through a special vest with a number. Some of them have helmets and masks, like Sugar in the Pitbull movie. They do not offer any helmets or masks to passengers and maybe that is why they drive through shorter routes so that the passenger didn’t choke or fell down.
T like Tuk-tuk. This is a sort of an open for passengers taxi on three wheels. It’s good for short routes through the town but it unfortunately gets jammed and you have to breathe the pollution. There are no special lines for tuk-tuks . In places less crowded it works brilliant.
U like Urbanisation. Bangkok does not differ much from other Asian towns. It is glassy and high in the centre, when moving farther it gets smaller and glass and steel transforms into concrete and corrugated iron. It’s constantly jammed, crowded and noisy. It sometimes stinks with exhaust fumes, sometimes sewage from food carts. Main touristic paths are near the over-ground rail. There are not many places to walk as they sell something everywhere or prepare to sell. On busy roads there are Police stations or some kind of pseudo-police department directs traffic using whistlers. Barely anyone pay attention to them and everyone walks as they want. You can easily die on the street crossing it while green light is on. When walking along the streets and window shopping you get an impression that you can actually eat and then go for a Thai massage on and on. In comparison to China, there is a plenty of Asians of European features.
V like Vodka. It’s available yet not cheaper. A bottle of Absolute in a supermarket costs 120PLN, but for one litre. Not local beer costs 8PLN. Local cocktails are twice as cheap but I don’t know their quality. Allegedly, Change beer so popular here is good. You can drink in a local pub – a poor version of Vodka and Beer Pump Room. You won’t get a herring but vodka, beer, whisky, run and some music. Sometimes it’s Thai, sometimes it’s European. It’s all in a nice atmosphere of happy Thais that they drink with a white man. But still, although drunk, you don’t understand them.
Z like zoup of the day. Food is cheap and supplied everywhere. A square meal from a street food cart costs 10PLN. There are tons of various food carts and their number depends on the hours and a weekday. Except for food carts, which some have their fixed location, and the rest is random are regional pub-restaurants next to the street. They serve exactly the same and for the same price but the difference is that you get a table, ice with drinks and fans standing for air conditioners. You can also buy delicious cut fruits that you can eat on spot in the exactly same way as we eat fries in Poland. Out of a stick you can eat meat of various type and quality. Yet the number of restaurants rises when approaching the centre. The biggest diet-weirdo will not starve to death here. Each and every Asian or European cuisine is here including fast foods. The more posh place, the higher prices but it is still cheaper than it is in Poland.